How Communicating Saved Our Marriage

Description:

Laura and I were in our mid 20’s when we got married — and we had a rough start. We developed a pattern of behaviors early in our marriage: When we hit a problem, we reacted. That reaction would begin with me getting upset and Laura going quiet. The more upset I would become; the more Laura would shut down. And the more she shut down, the more upset I would become. It didn't take long before she would leave the house. I would worry about her, so I'd go looking for her. Then (the way I remember it) I would apologize, and we would go home. Nothing more was said about what had happened. We had no idea what to do with our difficult emotions. We both grew up in homes where we saw our parents have a conflict. So how to manage emotions was never modeled for us – we handled things like we learned. Since that time, we have coached numerous couples, we have come to realize that what we experienced wasn't really that unusual — we were maybe just a little more intense about it than other couples.

Today, we can assure you that it is not surprising that when two people get married, they find it easier to tell their spouses what they do not like about them; than what they do like. We have included some of our personal experiences as husband and wife; our professional experiences as marriage coaches, that have taught us valuable life lessons. Anything in life takes effort and we are not saying that it is easy. However, if you really care about saving your relationship or marriage, then do your work; what do you have to lose? These communication tools in action opened the lines of communication and helped us both to grow individually and together. This is how we saved our marriage by communicating.

For us, that old cliché that said marriage was 50/50 did not work at all. You know what we mean...I'll do my half, you do yours. Truth be told in marriage the plan is for each of us to give 100%, otherwise we are just measuring the efforts of our spouse. Letting them know when they measure up to what WE see as their 50%. And honestly, you end up feeling like your 50% is always faster, or longer than your spouse’s anyway.

The challenge is to be able to look at the years behind you and smile at the lessons they taught you – Antonio & Laura Moore

categories

Relationship coaching, Communication coaching

TAGS

communicating, save my marriage, couples, marriage help, stop divorce, learn to communicate, teamwork, husband, wife, together, marriage means moore, built marriage tough, inspireusmoore

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